Stream of Unconsciousness:

Retreat Day 3

(I missed day 2 due to illness)

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Why is arrogance always married to stupidity?

“Cherry-picking” – a polite way of saying, “We know better than you – shut up and do as you’re told.”

Analyzing data


User needs
User bleeds

Hot air, intellectual ozone
Risk aversion,
Intellectual aversion,
Work aversion
Consciousness aversion
Aversion to aversion

“What I wouldn’t give for a sock filled with manure.”
--Woody Allen,
Annie Hall

[name deleted to protect the guilty] actually said something worth listening to.

We were asked for “headlines”
“NELINET guy goes postal” as staff has nerve to go off script.

“What do you think?”
Wrong question:
“How many of you can think? Is the correct question.

Opportunity – catching up with what everyone else has been doing for years.

Content: intellectual fuel tank on empty – running on fumes.

Another poem: Antediluvian Sheep Dip
Open Access
Open Sores
Open Sewers
Open Doors
Open Contempt
Open Mockery
Broken Mains
Broken Crockery
Open my Veins
Put me out of my Misery

Back to the action:

Positive traits of system support at [location deleted to protect the really guilty]:
The electricity rarely goes out.
The Help Desk staff usually is conscious and have a good grasp of English.

“Taking temperature”
Using anal thermometer with broken end.

Strengths, weakness, length, freakness, horse, fertilizer, watch your step, cow pies aplenty.

“Privileged Piece”

Headline –
Staff commits mass suicide:
After retreat all beg to drink the Kool-Aid

Hold the onions
Well-done steak with crispy fries –
Why does every thought lead to eating or defecating?

Swallowing my tongue and shitting out words used as fertilizer to produce more worthless prose –

My pen is another sphincter – it only produces shit

Can’t keep up
Can’t get it up

Another poem comes to mind:
Intellectual Erectile Dysfunction

No Viagra for the brain
No Zoloft for the soul
No Prozac for the spirit
No penicillin for the virus infecting my soul
No anti-biotic for the psychotic
This makes no sense
I must do penitence
For refusing to think
And Wasting Ink
Must not speak
Gotta take a leak
This makes me weak
I’m such a freak

Poem ends, more unconsciousness follows:

My wish is to go home
There’s no place like home
There’s no place like home
There’s no place like home
Shit! I’m not in Kansas!
Kansas is as flat as a pancake
Blueberry pancakes – even better!

Keep funding out of discussion
Keep discussion out of discussion

Vision --- looking to future with blinders on
Eyes closed,
Ears plugged
Sadly, mouth not gagged

No Kaopectate for verbal diarrhea
No Beano for intellectual flatulence
No Tums for psychic heartburn

A lot
“I prefer not to”
-- Herman Melville Bartelby the Scrivener

Risk averse…

Lack of Area-Think
Lack of Thinking in Area

Missing the point
Wasting time



Lack of respect for peers..
No, lack of peers deserving respect

Bygones – wish I were gone…

I’ve done a lot of soul-searching lately but I can’t seem to find one….

Lost in my own thoughts – very roomy – few occupants – low population density.

Yes, I live in my own world – but the view is nice, the company pleasant and the rent is cheap…

Technology is all –
Burn the paper!
Declare the triumph of the Cyberlords!
Sieg Hiel!
Bytes Uber Alles!
Internet Blitzkrieg
Webmania Empire

I mourn for the trees sacrificed for this bullshit.

Science Fiction – Ascientific Lies – Imagination…

Harry Potter and the Attack of the Consultants:
Even magical powers cannot defeat technobabble and management psychobabble

Techo Wet Dream
Tech TV Wet Dream
Science Pod –
Cone of Silence –
Kontrol, Maxwell Smart

Tech TV Porno Film
Techno-Geek Wet Dream

El Torro Crappo, Male Bovine Fecal Matter

“Horse Hockey!” (Colonel Potter, Mash)

Headline –
“This is Stupid”
“Time Wasting Taken to New Heights”
“Taxpayers Pay for Two Days of Mass Mutual Mental Masturbation”

Dis Content
Dis Content be whack!
Don’t Dis the Content!
Dis is Phat Content!
Dis is Mal Content
And Dis is Val Content
And Dis is their Dining Room –
We eat on the Table of Contents
In Winter Dis Content skis, Dat Content Snowboards

Push Technology
Push Brooms
Push, push in the bush!
Feels like a pain in the tush
Turning brain into mush

Can’t take any of this seriously
My energy sapped mysteriously
Replaced by terminal ennui
Lance a boil
Dance with a goil
Romance a gargoyle
According to Hoyle

More Poetry of Despair:
I want to run amok
I feel like a schmuck
I just want to duck
And get away from this muck
God! Does this suck!
Negotiate Rights
Negotiate Wrongs
Punch out the lights
Stop singing the songs
Side by side
By suicide
I can’t abide
Don’t wanna go on this ride
Get thee hence, Satan’s bride!
I can’t take this seriously
I can’t even try
I can’t participate
I find it hard to tolerate
Outside I manage mysteriously
To present a placid front
Inside I cry deliriously
Wishing I would die
Sorry to be so blunt
Time is moving glacially

Back to the action...
“Strategic Thinking”
Strategic wandering
Dynamic Futility
Proactive Immobility
Fertile Sterility
Industrious Indolence
Open Minded Intolerance
Skillful Incompetence
Willful Unconsciousness
Direct Meandering
Transparent Opacity
Capable Inability
Ample Scarcity

7 hours of yakking
15 minutes of useful information (a generous estimate)

Cutting through the fog of intellectual flatulence.
Underwear sticking to my ass
Gum sticking to bottom of shoe
Nonsense sticking in my craw


Specific things…

Do this, do that
Don’t do that
Don’t do this
Shift that Catalog
Total that Statistics

Ten-Year Plan Presented by NELINET Soviet...
Svimvear, wery nice!

Print, shprint!
If it ain’t electronic, don’t bother!

Send the resume to McDonald’s…

Retreat Day 4

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Drowning in a sea of tiny minds
Choking on stupidity
Desperately seeking lucidity
My mental clock slowly unwinds

Techno-Geek Wet Dream
Evaluate my colon
Identify contents of my colon
Analyze contents of my colon
Streaming colon technology
Down by the old mill streaming
Streaming Mimi
The Yellow Stream by I.P. Daily

God, why am, I here?
What horrible crime did I commit in this or in a previous life to deserve this?
Could I possibly have this much bad karma?
Am I paying for crimes committed in future lifetimes?

Instant Karma
Instant Oatmeal
Instant license for Karma Oatmeal Video Streaming

Another psychotic rhyming episode (Note: at this point we were divided into two groups named London and Paris, I was in London, hence the following):
Forget Paris
Screw the French
They just embarrass
Tie them to a bench
Toss them in the sea
Watch them drown like rats
Laugh with glee
At those soggy, froggy cats

Kaiser Roll
Stop, drop & roll
Rock n’ Roll
Lock & load
Wash load


Marching orders – Lobbying, process

Final Report prediction:

1) Outsourcing

2) Reduce Staff

3) More e-stuff


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